Month: January 2015


IMG_1491Youth Is Wasted on the Young

If you could turn back the hands of time and go back to when you were 19 years old, would you? Consider that same scenario, going back to being 19, but not being able to take back with you all of the knowledge that you have gained today? Would you still do it?

It’s amazing how a shift in perspective changes things, or maybe it doesn’t.

My, my, my how introspective we get when a birthday nears. I am not unlike many folks who find themselves reflecting on the culmination of life choices they have made to date right around their birthday. What milestones have we met? What does the future hold? We may even be prompted to get a physical, or even a psychological tune up.

What brought this topic to the foreground of my memory is because just the other day I remembered being out with my grandmother many years ago. While we were shopping she looked over at some total stranger who was behaving badly shook her head in disgust saying, “youth is wasted on the young.” At the time I didn’t fully grasp what it is she was saying, but boy do I get it now.

What my grandmother’s wisdom revealed was a universal truth; by the time we have gained wisdom, knowledge and understanding to make intelligent decisions we are much older. When we age we slow down and lack the youthful vigor and idealism that typically accompanies moving the mountains in our lives. When we were young and had energy to spare we tended to waste it on things that we now know were foolish and meaningless.

When you’re young you often lack good common sense. When you are old you finally gain that common sense, along with a sore back, shortness of breath, the ability to sleep while standing up and a bunch of wrinkles.

Today there is a cottage industry that preys on people’s desire to look young again. They tell you that they can turn back the hands of time, for a price. But what they’re selling people is, in itself, a deception because they’re not selling youth. They’re selling the appearance of youth, and that’s something entirely different than youth itself.

In the end, in our western society where youth is seen as an invaluable asset, happiness, that ever so fleeting intangible, is what’s really being offered. The problem with happiness is very simple: it’s something that first has to come from within.

So as I hit the gym to squat, lunge and tone myself back into the long legged siren of my youth(Ha) I’m secure in the fact that I’m not there to waste my time trying to get something back that wasn’t there in the first place, I’m good as is.


While riding home from the movie theater last night I began to well up thinking about my current relationship situation. What triggered these not so heartwarming emotions was that prior to the start of the main attraction at the theater I was watching a trailer for Disney’s “87th” remake of Cinderella. My movie date turned to me and said, “Damn, how many times are they going to remake that movie?” I replied, for as long as girls believe in fairytales.”
So, back to my car ride home. What I began to remember was that, not too many years ago, I had posted on my online dating website profile a striking photo of myself. In it I was wearing a blinged out tiara and captioned it something Cinderella would say, “I want a man to sweep me off my feet.”

After the movie why was I at home with packing tape, tears and wine, boxing up my life “starting over again”? Clearly not a woman who was swept off her feet.
With much consideration, my car ride home became an epiphany. I fondly refer to this phenomenon that I had experienced as the princess syndrome. In other words, grown women prancing through life waiting for Prince Charming to make it “All Good”.
The reality is the story is B.S. in its essence. The “fairytale” or better yet “fantasy” sets up a faulty arrangement from the onset. All you have to be is pretty, sweet and gracious and a man will come along and rescue you?
If it were only that simple.
Has anyone ever considered that with the epidemic of fatherless daughters, how in the world would a woman even know what chivalrous treatment is supposed to look like if Prince Charming rode up on a horse or a Porsche, or a beat up Buick?
These idealistic girls who grow into women, have no real example of how to be treated or how to treat a man. For the most part they are clueless, beyond looking attractive, as to what constitutes qualities of a sustainable relationship between a man and a woman. What is to be expected of them and what to expect in a relationship is a mystery. By proclaiming, “I want a man to sweep me off my feet” when they have no realistic, tangible definition of what that looks like is a recipe for disaster.
The love of a father is a girl’s first true love from a man. That provides a standard and the embodiment of how to be treated. If you’ve never had a man love you unconditionally how could you possibly be equipped to know that what you are receiving is whole, complete and right for you? Therefore most “daddy’s girls” have a definitive roadmap, a watermark that they can point to and know with certainty “here is a standard that I don’t want my mate to fall below.”

Some women today discount the unique distinctions between men and women because so many times they have gone without. But those distinctions are real and have to be acknowledged for any real bonding and understanding to occur.

Conversely, a fatherless boy who grows into a man who lacks direction because he’s been deprived of any meaningful examples of how to love a woman, has no idea how to treat his princess and she don’t know what its supposed to look like either resulting in two lost souls, craving the unattainable, confused and disappointed in each other. Ultimately, there is no glass slipper, only razor sharp broken shards of glass scattered across the floor.
So Cinderella can take her sparkly slippers, ball gown, and horse drawn carriage and shove it, that broad lied.